ARIES - TheDaredevil(after the dare or before it?)
Energetic(ok only la..).
Adventurous(trying different pillows?)
spontaneous(trying good food?).
Confident and enthusiastic(quite ba..).
Fun(do i look like a toy?).
Loves a challenge(who snores the loudest!).
EXTREMELY impatient(YEA!).
Sometimes selfish(yup yup..).
Short fuse. (easily angered..you bet)
Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing(teh!!!wrong!). Lose interest quickly(VERY!!) - easily bored(VERY!!!). Egotistical(got meh?). Courageous and assertive(not sure..). Tends to be physical and athletic(WRONG AGAIN!). 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.(DUN CARE!)
this type of spam mails hor...
dunno is nothing to do or what...
Just For Laughs
--------------------------------------------------------------------
An Appraisal Letter
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 by Author @ 10:58 PM
Dear Manager (HR),
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
Dear Manager (HR),
That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 for my true assessment of him. Signed - Project Leader
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is funny!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Driving Permit
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, August 26, 2007 by Author @ 4:45 PM
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-_-"""
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Makes 100%?
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 by Author @ 9:21 PM
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What akes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well well well...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kan Pei
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 16, 2007 by Author @ 2:20 PM
If you have ' Ang Mo (Westerner)' attending your wedding, please tell them what is 'Kan Pei', hahaa.....
Once there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some Caucasian tourists.
As the wedding couples hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of "KAN PEI" (bottoms up) gets louder and louder.
One Caucasian gets more and more irritated as the couple gets closer to him.
" KAN PEI "... " KAN ...PEI"...!
The cheers continued. Finally, the irritated Caucasian couldn't take it anymore.
He stood up on his chair and shouted: "IF YOU CAN'T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
noted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yearly Appraisal - What The Words Really Mean
Funny Jokes Posted on Saturday, July 14, 2007 by Author @ 4:15 PM
1) Outgoing personality - Always going out of the office
2) Great presentation skills - Able to bullshit
3) Good communication skills - Spends a lot of time on the phone
4) Work is first priority - Too ugly to get a date
5) Active socially - Drinks a lot
6) Independent worker - No one knows what you are doing
7) Quick thinking - Gives excuses on the go
8) Careful thinker - Will not make decisions
9) Uses logic on difficult jobs - Gets someone else to do it
10) Expresses themselves well - Speaks English
11) Meticulous attention to detail - A nit-picker
12) Has leadership qualities - Is tall or has a louder voice
13) Exceptionally good judgment - Has been very lucky
14) Keen sense of humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
15) Career minded - Back stabber
16) Loyal - Cannot get another job elsewhere
17) Plans for advancement/promotion - Buys drinks for all the boys
18) Of great value to the organization - Gets to work on time
19) Relaxed attitude - Sleeps on the desk
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition Of Sex
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 by Author @ 11:24 PM
Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Phua Chu Kang (PCK) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!
S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man PCK: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
S: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??
S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menses?
PCK: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ?? Use your blain use your blainnn....
S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
PCK: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.
S: Why are making love carried out in private?
PCK: Use your blain, use your blainnnnn....Will you dig your nose in front of your class?Stupid!
S: Wah . . father you very good..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.
BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple..
CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
PETER : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
1st MAN : I'm worried about my daughter. She keeps being chased by the doctor.
2nd MAN : Has she tried an apple??
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Peter : Mom, does God use our bathroom?
Mother : No, Peter. Why?
Peter : Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"
Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.
Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?
Man : I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Singaporeans
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, June 10, 2007 by Author @ 11:12 PM
There once was a very good old barber in New York.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean....
Have you got the answer?
....
a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
God Will Help Me
Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 by Author @ 11:38 PM
There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off.
The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves.
The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim tells her "That's ok." The woman says "Are you sure?" Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me.
Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me!
What happened?"
God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
please please puh--lease....
dun be that dumb!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trial
Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, May 21, 2007 by Author @ 7:05 PM
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any _expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in. But on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with Durian."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*roar*hahahahaahha!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Been to Prison Lately?
Funny Jokes Posted on Friday, May 18, 2007 by Author @ 7:54 PM
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
5Cs + 5Ks
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, April 22, 2007 by Author @ 4:46 PM
Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5 'C's?
Car, Condo,Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career
The latest is 5 'K's ...
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)
We've been reading about the 5 C's and 5 K's for Singaporeans, Now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia's equivalent...
Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
That's why "Singapore is solid" !
Malaysia is in such a bad shape because.......
Malaysia's "practice" to Simple Living :
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...
haha
this really made my day.
Energetic(ok only la..).
Adventurous(trying different pillows?)
spontaneous(trying good food?).
Confident and enthusiastic(quite ba..).
Fun(do i look like a toy?).
Loves a challenge(who snores the loudest!).
EXTREMELY impatient(YEA!).
Sometimes selfish(yup yup..).
Short fuse. (easily angered..you bet)
Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing(teh!!!wrong!). Lose interest quickly(VERY!!) - easily bored(VERY!!!). Egotistical(got meh?). Courageous and assertive(not sure..). Tends to be physical and athletic(WRONG AGAIN!). 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.(DUN CARE!)
this type of spam mails hor...
dunno is nothing to do or what...
Just For Laughs
--------------------------------------------------------------------
An Appraisal Letter
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 by Author @ 10:58 PM
Dear Manager (HR),
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
Dear Manager (HR),
That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 for my true assessment of him. Signed - Project Leader
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
this is funny!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Driving Permit
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, August 26, 2007 by Author @ 4:45 PM
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
-_-"""
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Makes 100%?
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 23, 2007 by Author @ 9:21 PM
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What akes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
well well well...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kan Pei
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, August 16, 2007 by Author @ 2:20 PM
If you have ' Ang Mo (Westerner)' attending your wedding, please tell them what is 'Kan Pei', hahaa.....
Once there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some Caucasian tourists.
As the wedding couples hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of "KAN PEI" (bottoms up) gets louder and louder.
One Caucasian gets more and more irritated as the couple gets closer to him.
" KAN PEI "... " KAN ...PEI"...!
The cheers continued. Finally, the irritated Caucasian couldn't take it anymore.
He stood up on his chair and shouted: "IF YOU CAN'T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
noted.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yearly Appraisal - What The Words Really Mean
Funny Jokes Posted on Saturday, July 14, 2007 by Author @ 4:15 PM
1) Outgoing personality - Always going out of the office
2) Great presentation skills - Able to bullshit
3) Good communication skills - Spends a lot of time on the phone
4) Work is first priority - Too ugly to get a date
5) Active socially - Drinks a lot
6) Independent worker - No one knows what you are doing
7) Quick thinking - Gives excuses on the go
8) Careful thinker - Will not make decisions
9) Uses logic on difficult jobs - Gets someone else to do it
10) Expresses themselves well - Speaks English
11) Meticulous attention to detail - A nit-picker
12) Has leadership qualities - Is tall or has a louder voice
13) Exceptionally good judgment - Has been very lucky
14) Keen sense of humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
15) Career minded - Back stabber
16) Loyal - Cannot get another job elsewhere
17) Plans for advancement/promotion - Buys drinks for all the boys
18) Of great value to the organization - Gets to work on time
19) Relaxed attitude - Sleeps on the desk
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Definition Of Sex
Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2007 by Author @ 11:24 PM
Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Phua Chu Kang (PCK) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!
S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man PCK: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.
S: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??
S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menses?
PCK: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ?? Use your blain use your blainnn....
S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
PCK: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.
S: Why are making love carried out in private?
PCK: Use your blain, use your blainnnnn....Will you dig your nose in front of your class?Stupid!
S: Wah . . father you very good..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink...
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I'm broke.
BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple..
CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour..
PETER : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
1st MAN : I'm worried about my daughter. She keeps being chased by the doctor.
2nd MAN : Has she tried an apple??
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Mary : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Peter : Mom, does God use our bathroom?
Mother : No, Peter. Why?
Peter : Because Daddy bangs on the door every morning and yells, "Oh god, are you still there?"
Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven't finished the water I gave them last week.
Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?
Man : I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Singaporeans
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, June 10, 2007 by Author @ 11:12 PM
There once was a very good old barber in New York.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean....
Have you got the answer?
....
a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
God Will Help Me
Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 by Author @ 11:38 PM
There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.
One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off.
The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves.
The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim tells her "That's ok." The woman says "Are you sure?" Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me.
Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God "You told me you would take care of me!
What happened?"
God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
please please puh--lease....
dun be that dumb!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trial
Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, May 21, 2007 by Author @ 7:05 PM
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any _expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in. But on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with Durian."
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*roar*hahahahaahha!
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Been to Prison Lately?
Funny Jokes Posted on Friday, May 18, 2007 by Author @ 7:54 PM
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share.
IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON...you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON...there are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK...they are called managers.
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5Cs + 5Ks
Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, April 22, 2007 by Author @ 4:46 PM
Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5 'C's?
Car, Condo,Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career
The latest is 5 'K's ...
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)
We've been reading about the 5 C's and 5 K's for Singaporeans, Now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia's equivalent...
Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
That's why "Singapore is solid" !
Malaysia is in such a bad shape because.......
Malaysia's "practice" to Simple Living :
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...
haha
this really made my day.
posted by elizabethloojingmin at
4:52 PM
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